A euphemism is a seemingly nice or polite way of expressing a harsh or unpleasant truth. In the Oxford Dictionary of Euphemisms (2007), R.W. Holder observes that euphemism is often “the language of evasion, hypocrisy, prudery, and deceit.” To test that observation, consider these 51 alternative ways of saying “You’re fired.”
Dan Foreman: Guys, I feel very terrible about what I’m about to say. But I’m afraid you’re both being let go.
Lou: Let go? What does that mean?
Dan Foreman: It means you’re being fired, Louie.
(Dennis Quaid and Kevin Chapman in the movie In Good Company, 2004)
Throughout much of the world, unemployment remains a problem. Yet of all those people who have lost their jobs, few were ever told, “You’re fired.”
Apparently, those day-long seminars in workplace sensitivity have paid off: “firing” is now as outdated as a defined-benefit pension plan. In its place is a brightly colored file folder filled with smiley-faced euphemisms.
True, a few of the terms sound rather dour and legalistic (“involuntary separation,” for example, and “workforce imbalance correction”). A few others are simply perplexing (“decruit,” “lateralize,” “waive”). But many sound as cheery as a year-end bonus: “constructive discharge,” “career alternative enhancement,” and—no kidding—”free up for the future.”
“You’re not losing a job,” these expressions seem to be saying. “You’re regaining a life.”
EUPHEMISMS FOR JOB TERMINATION
Here, according to management guides and personnel documents found at a host of online human resources sites, are 51 bona fide euphemisms for job termination.
- career alternative enhancement
- career change opportunity
- career transition
- constructive discharge
- constructive dismissal
- decline a contract extension
- decruit
- defund
- dehire
- de-select
- destaff
- discharge
- discontinue
- downscale
- downsize
- early retirement opportunity
- employee transition
- end of a trial period
- excessing
- free up for the future
- indefinite idling
- involuntary separation
- lateralize
- let go
- make internal efficiencies
- make redundant
- manage down
- negotiate a departure
- outplace
- outsource
- personnel realignment
- personnel surplus reduction
- rationalize the workforce
- reduce headcount
- reduce in force (or riffing)
- re-engineer the staff
- release
- relieve of duties
- reorganize (or re-org)
- reshuffle
- restructure
- retrench
- rightsize
- select out
- separate
- skill-mix adjustment
- streamline
- surplus
- unassign
- waive
- workforce imbalance correction
Forget those condescending reminders that you’re now free to “pursue other interests” and “spend more time with the family.” As anyone who has ever lost a job is keenly aware, euphemisms such as these rarely achieve their goal of softening the blow. The terms that we use for getting fired tend to be dysphemisms: sacked, dumped, bounced out, canned, axed, eighty-sixed, and given the old heave-ho.